We like recognition for a job well done, and so do children. It is perfectly natural to delight in every little thing that your toddler does. He is cute and funny and doing new tricks every single day, so how can you resist telling your child how clever he is?

We do need to be cautious when dishing out praise. While a spontaneous “Wow! What a clever kid!” won’t do any harm, if you heap on the praise for every breathe your child takes, you run the risk of setting up  a ‘great expectations’ trap. This can mean that as your child grows, he feels he has to keep performing to be accepted and loved. This can contribute to a feeling of failure, which may mean that your child is so dependant on the approval of others that he may be afraid to try new things.

A positive way to offer praise without overdoing it is a process called ‘mirroring’ which involves naming exactly what the child has done. By mirroring back to your child what he or she has done (”You have climbed five steps on the ladder, all by yourself!”) you are giving them tangible evidence of their efforts, not just empty words that may or may not be believable to them. You can extend mirroring to include a quality too. For example - “You are so patient for letting me talk without interrupting.” This helps nourish your childs identity  so that he will begin to think of himself as a genuinely competent person, seeing himself as kind, repsonsible, helpful and whatever other positive labels you choose to describe his efforts.

This positive praise is far more powerful than empty praise because your child will have tangible evidence that he really is competent, his self-esteem will not be dependant on constant recognition and he won’t crumple like a stack of blocks with the slightest hint of disapproval.

For more strategies to make magic out of mayhem during the toddler years, see Pinky McKay’s new book “Toddler Tactics” (Penguin 2008) which is available  here at bebeonline

Visit my website www.pinkymckay.com.au  for information about workshops (Melbourne) for parents of toddlers.