The TotSeat first struck me as one of those products that sounds like a great idea but you wonder “would I ever really use it ?”….the answer is a loud and definitive YES! What a fantastic, practical and useful invention.  I have a highchair that I love and a portable pod seat for Harvey.  Each set of grandparents also has a highchair and I have still managed to use the TotSeat 5 times in 4 weeks!

No chair has proved too difficult a challenge:

Chair 1: Waiting Room at specialists office:  The carpeted Oncologist’s rooms are  not a welcoming place for ‘Mr Hungry  and Loud.’  I could see the wary glances from the other patients thinking ‘how is she going to do this ?’.  I was a trifle smug when I assembled TotSeat and proceeded to feed the beast with no fuss. Ha!

Chair 2: BBQ around the campfire at night:  Scenario:  Huge bonfire, you’re the only people with a baby, kids running around in the dark with flaming sticks and discarded paper plates offering a buffet of unsuitable leftovers.  Cue: TotSeat.  Harvey had a high backed outdoor chair to himself where he sat happily at our level waving a chicken drumstick around like Bambam whilst his mother appeared cool, calm and collected with her glass of winethankyouverymuch.

Chair 3: A general assortment of friends houses that do not have babies:  It’s a great feeling to be so self-sufficient in someone’s home that isn’t child-friendly.   Not having to shift a single item of furniture to accommodate your crawler or attempt to hold them on your lap whilst feeding must make those couples clucky???

Chair 4: The bar stools in my own house:  I have a fantastic mothers group of five great women that meet weekly at each others homes.  For some reason we decide to always do this at 11am which means five 11 month olds are all wanting to sit in the highchair at once.   TotSeat on my barstools pushed up against the bench…simple.

Chair 5: Pizza Nights of the Round Table:  This is a jazzed up name for sitting around the dining table eating pizza.  Harvey sat in the TotSeat eating everyone’s crusts and got to stay up much later than usual as he was so well behaved.  Babies just love to be doing what your doing and the TotSeat makes them feel equal and included = happier baby.

There is so much more I could write but I have to emphasize that the TotSeat is a must-have item and/or a fantastic gift.  It has easily fitted each different chair that I have tried and comes with a cumberbund for chairs that have a gap at the back.  It’s very light and folds into a small pouch for your handbag/car/pram/pocket/manbag.  Don’t worry about the funky fabric (mine is denim) getting dirty; just throw it into the washing machine.  Using it is simple; adjust the length and then clip at the back. Done.

There really is 101 uses and I also can’t wait to take it on our next holiday.  As parents we can use anything that helps us get out and about easily without having to hold onto a squirming baby during a meal, whilst waiting or if we’re lucky enough to be socializing!  TotSeat is now a handbag staple up there with wallet, wipes and a trusty lipbalm:)

Everybody becomes stressed when a baby cries -that’s nature’s way of making sure somebody looks after these helpless little beings. But it also tends to give rise to lots of well meant advice, and somebody is bound to ask, “are you sure you have enough milk?” or “Are you sure your milk is strong enough?”

To maintain your confidence, it is important to be well-informed and find yourself a cheering squad. Surround yourself with positive voices - other women who have happily breastfed and people who will tell you, “you are doing a great job!”. If you don’t have any friends or family who fit this category, get along to a support group like the Australian Breastfeeding Association (www.breastfeeding.asn.au ). These groups have trained counsellors who can boost your confidence on line or with a phone call (day or night), and they also have lending libraries of books about all aspects of parenting, as well as breastfeeding.

Partners, take note: protect your lady and your baby from anybody (even your own mother) who so much as whispers, “perhaps she needs a bottle.”

Meanwhile, remember, baby’s sucking at your breast stimulates milk production. According to the law of supply and demand, the more baby sucks, the more milk your breasts will make. If you are worried that baby is hungry, offer the breast again, even after a few minutes (he may have had an air bubble that popped and left a gap).

If your baby is having a growth spurt (these are common at 6 weeks and 3 months, but can happen at any time), he will have a corresponding appetite increase . This doesn’t mean you are running out of milk -it simply means he will need to suck more often for a few days to give your breasts the message that they need to produce more milk. When your breasts catch up with the increased demand (and they will, if you take things easy for a few days, offer skin to skin cuddles to stimulate your milk production hormones, and respond to your baby’s early hunger signals), things will settle down again.  If you offer a bottle as a ‘top up’, he won’t be sucking the whole amount of milk from your breasts and they won’t get the message to increase the supply. At the next feed you may offer another bottle, and again, the decreased sucking causes your milk supply to dwindle until you find that, very soon, your baby is weaned.

Babies regulate the type of milk they need by the way they suck. The first (fore) milk will quench their thirst, which is why they often have very short, frequent feeds on hot days (if you feed your baby according to his needs, he won’t need bottles of water). Hunger will be satisfied by longer sucking periods when baby gets the fatty hind milk that is squeezed  down into your ducts by the reflex known as “letdown”.

You baby’s needs will change from day to day and as he grows. A baby needs to “finish” the first breast first, in order to get the hind milk. But if you continue to feed on one side only as baby grows and goes longer between feeds, each breast may only be emptied every six to eight hours. Ouch!  A good way to avoid the lopsided look (and mastitis) is to feed baby on one side until he chooses to drop off, then have a little play and a nappy change, wrap him securely and give him the other side before you put him back to bed. This way he will seem to go longer between feeds too - a win/win all round!

Problems with your milk supply may be the result of incorrect positioning, or a problem with baby’s ’suck’  or perhaps a problem such as tongue tie (this can be easily fixed with a quick snip by a doctor), which may prevent baby from emptying your breasts properly (get your maternal and child health nurse or a lactation consultant to watch you breastfeed if you have doubts- babies who can’t maintain a ’suck’ may need assessment by a paediatrician); of feeding from one side only; of offering bottles (which require a different sucking action so can make breastfeeding less efficient); or of rigorously scheduling feeds, so you are offering feeds either when your baby isn’t hungry or has waited too long so isn’t able to feed effectively.

So, watch your baby, not the clock. By responding to your baby’s cues for food and comfort, you are helping him learn to communicate his needs, and experience having them satisfied. It is perfectly normal for a breastfed baby to need feeding every two hours at first  - and that means two hours from the beginning of one feed to the beginning of the next, not two hours between feeds.  As your baby grows and his stomach capacity increases, feeding will become much more efficient and quicker so you won’t be ‘feeding all day’.

Some mothers swear by herbal remedies such as raspberry leaf tea or fenugreek tea, or fenugreek or blessed thistle tablets (not milk thistle) to help boost their milk supply, and one way to overcome tension if you think your let down reflex is affected by stress, or a lack of confidence, is to practise relaxation breathing and visualise milk flowing over a waterfall when you begin feeding. Meanwhile, be reassured that what comes out must have gone in:  Your baby is getting enough milk if she is having six to eight pale wet (cloth) or five heavy disposable nappies every day, is thriving and gaining weight, and is only drinking breast milk.

Pinky McKay is the author of  ‘Sleeping Like a Baby’ ( Penguin Australia) , ‘100 Ways to Calm the Crying‘ and ‘Toddler Tactics’. A mother of five, Pinky is an international Board certified lactation consultant and a certified infant massage instructor.  For information about classes and workshops visit Pinky’ s website www.pinkymckay.com.au

If you find yourself doing any or all of the below, Welcome to Motherhood!

Mummy Sway - this constant side to side sway begins the moment you hold your newborn baby, and never quite leaves.  Even if you happen to be out and the only thing you’re holding is a glass of wine or canapé, you will continue to sway (and risk whispered comments like “can’t hold her drink anymore can she?” )

Creative Grooming - Leisurely morning showers, carefully applied makeup and expertly coordinated outfits are a thing of the past.  Teeth are brushed at the kitchen sink and you throw on whatever clothes are heaped nearest to you, inevitably the same you wore yesterday. If you do brush your hair, it’s normally midday and lip gloss has been abandoned for smudge free kisses!

Desperately Seeking Privacy - it’s gone AWOL along with your size 10 jeans and a good night sleep!  You now have to leave the toilet door open, trying to prevent a crawling child from coming in and licking the tiles and/or toilet seat.  Heaven help me when Alex starts talking and begins the “What’s that Mummy?” and “What are you doing Mummy” line of questioning!

Tactical Driving - Elbows magically become double jointed and you can now reach behind you in the car while driving to pick up a thrown toy/drink/sultana packet. Rear view mirrors now reflect your child, not the cars behind you, and you will do almost anything, sing, toot the horn, swish the windscreen wipers, to prevent a tired child falling asleep 5 minutes before you turn into your driveway.

Soldier On - You are never allowed to be sick.  Ever.

Poker Face - child having a tantrum in the shopping centre?  Naming their new favourite body part to the lady at the bank? I have walked, albeit extremely fast, with Alex losing it in the pram, my radar seeking out the nearest parents room, my mind chanting “please be quiet, please be quiet, please stop looking at me, please stop looking at me”, but my facial expression?, “How’s the serenity!”.

You, Me and Baby Makes 3 - Finally, it’s your one hour of ME time.  Peace and quiet yes? No.  Me time is inevitably interrupted by Daddy bringing the baby into wherever you are, accompanied by the phrase, “Let’s see what Mummy is doing?”  Mummy is trying to have 5 minutes alone. Mummy loves you, but may have a nervous breakdown if she can’t shave her legs in peace!

I Love the Nightlife - Days past, come 6pm you’d still be at your desk, now you’re showered (hopefully), in your PJ’s and ready to turn in.  The only nightlife you sample is dancing a wakeful child around the lounge room at 3am (I like to pretend I’m in an exclusive, Members Only club where the music is more Brahms than Beats.)

Take a Load off - Relax, have a cup of tea.  Sure.  It will be years before you enjoy a hot cup of anything again.  You still buy the magazines but they sit, unread, waiting for the day your child takes a nice long nap.  Much like the movies that you really want to watch, but somehow can’t stay awake long enough for! (see point 7.)

Reality Bites -  you swore you would never do any of these things.  That you’d have the ultimate ‘porta-child’ and conversation would continue to be about shoes, not sleep. That’s the thing about motherhood, it sneaks up on you.  I spent the better part of my 35 years asking “Who am I?”, it seems only fair that for now the question is “Who is he?”.  Good days, bad days, and everything in between. Viva La Mama!

Everyone should have a chicken soup recipe up their sleeve. It’s a cure all, wholesome and warming, and exactly what you need when you’re not feeling your best. Keeping up with my current theme of things to eat when you and baby are sick (sadly we’re not getting better very quickly), this is a chicken soup recipe that I’ve adapted from the one I make at work. We make about 60 portions per week but it sells out within days. You could skip the first three steps and use store bought chicken stock, but personally I recommend making your own chicken as it allows you to control the flavour and sodium levels. It does mean starting out the day before or starting dinner a few hours in advance, but this is such a simple recipe. It’s a great thing to make if you’ve roasted a chicken the night before. This is so easy to make that Josh cooked it last night while I shouted instructions from under a blanket on the couch. If he can do it, then anyone can.

Chicken Soup

1 chicken carcass

1 chicken breast (you could save one from the roast chicken)

2 onions

4 cloves of garlic

sprig of thyme

4 carrots

half a bunch of celery

small coin sized piece of ginger

2 spring onions, finely sliced

1 cup of frozen peas

1 cup of small pasta for soup, like risoni or stars

salt and pepper

olive oil

1. If you have purchased a chicken carcass or de-boned a chicken yourself, place it in an oven dish with the chicken breast, a large carrot roughly chopped and an onion, halved, skin on. Roast this in an 180 degree oven for about half an hour until it the carcass is caramelised and golden brown and the chicken breast cooked through. If you’re using the carcass from a roast chicken and a saved chicken breast then don’t worry about it!

2. Place the roasted carcass, chicken breast, carrot, onion, two cloves of garlic, thyme, piece of ginger and a couple of celery ribs from your half bunch into a large pot and cover with water. Add two pinches of salt and a some cracked pepper or a few of peppercorns.

3. Bring the water to the boil and then reduce heat and allow your stock to simmer for at least 3 hours. Remove carcass and chicken breast. Remove any meat from the carcass and reserve with the chicken breast. Discard other solids in the stock by straining stock through a sieve.

4. Shred chicken breast meat.

5. Dice remaining carrot, onion, and celery. Finely chop garlic. In another pot add a slug of olive oil and sauté onion, garlic, carrot and celery until the latter two are tender and the onion is translucent.

6. Add your chicken stock and bring to a the boil.

7. Add pasta to soup. Keep and eye on it and keep stirring as this sort of pasta easily sticks to the bottom of pots.

8. When pasta is cooked add shredded chicken meat and frozen peas. Cook for a further five minutes and then remove from heat.

9. Season with salt and pepper to taste, garnish with finely sliced spring onions.

Steps 1-3 can be done up to five days in advance. This makes three adult portions of soup plus 2 baby serves enough for a large dinner and lunch the next day. Soup will keep for up to a week. This recipe multiplies extremely well!

When you are almost two, you don’t need to carry a lot of stuff around anymore.  OK, maybe a few spare nappies and a pack of wipes.  And maybe a bib.  And maybe a no-spill cup or water bottle.  And maybe some snacks.  Oh, and maybe a toy.  Or two.  And a book.

And when you are almost two, you are also trying to be independent.   If, then, there was a backpack that was cute, was just big enough for everything you need to carry, and had padded adjustable straps to make carrying it comfortable, you’d just have to have it, wouldn’t you?  When the clever people at Skip Hop designed their range of kid’s backpacks, it seems that’s exactly what the came up with.

There was great excitement when we opened our Monkey Zoo Pack - with such an adorable monkey face, you’d be hard pressed to find a cuter bag for your little one.  With tactile corduroy ears and cute banana zip pulls (just big enough for little hands to use) this little backpack has made quite the impression on our almost two year old Charlie, who insists on carrying his ‘monkey’ everywhere.  A mesh pocket on the side for easy access to a water bottle, enough room inside for everything a little kid requires, an insulated pocket, easy clean surfaces and quality manufacturing mean that Charlie will be toting this around for quite some time yet.

And if you just happen to need more than one adorable backpack in your life, well you’re in luck because as well as Monkey, there is also Penguin, Mouse, Owl and Dog to choose from.  Good luck choosing just one! Check out the Skip Hop Monkey Zoo Back Pack here…

Are you confused about infant sleep advice? Exhausted and
wondering “when will my baby sleep through?”  Can’t
bear to leave your baby to cry?

Take heart - help is coming.

Best selling author of “Sleeping Like a Baby” and
“100 Ways to Calm the Crying”, Pinky Mckay has pulled
out all stops and organised an incredible line up of
internationally acclaimed infant sleep experts to share
their expertise with you on a ground breaking teleseminar
series.

These professionals include an acclaimed SIDS researcher
and Infant Sleep Lab director, a psychologist specialising
in infant mental health, a leading expert in women’s health
trauma and breastfeeding (she will be discussing breastfeeding,
night time parenting and postnatal depression) and a best
selling baby care author who has sold books in 18 countries!
They will be sharing a wealth of exciting information with you
about the latest infant sleep research as well as practical
strategies you can implement right now!

Pinky is doing a FREE  preview call on 26th August. On this
call she will be announcing who these experts are, what they
will be sharing with you - and how you can get a very generous
early bird discount to hear the calls with these leading
international experts.

If you haven’t listened to a teleseminar before, it’s easy
you just listen on your phone or computer. All calls will
be recorded so you can download and listen later when it
suits you - wherever you live, whatever your time-zone, your work
schedule or your baby’s routine.

Check it out and register here!

This past weekend we celebrated Grace’s first birthday.  Because I had a rough start to motherhood, to make up for it I decided we needed an extra special party and admittedly I went a little over-the-top.  We dressed the house in a vintage theme complete with bunting strung up across the living room, butterfly cakes and lolly bags with 80s retro lolly treats.  Clearly the party was as much for me as it was for Grace, but she didn’t seem to mind a bit.

A couple of times during the day I thought back to the year before and realised how quickly it had passed and how much had changed.

On reflection, this is what I wish I had known then.

You are the expert.

In the early days I took advice from anyone with any kind of medical background, convinced that ‘the experts’ had all the answers.  After all, they were experienced and I had never done this before, so of course they must know more than me, right? But what I learned was that every baby is completely different.  Something that works for one baby may not work for another.  No one knows your baby like you do, so be confident in your decisions and trust yourself.

You must be kind to yourself.

One of my greatest regrets in the first month or so was that I couldn’t successfully breastfeed Grace.  I agonised over the decision to stop and felt a huge amount of sadness and guilt.  But in hindsight my greatest regret was how hard I was on myself.  I gave it the best go that I could.  I consulted experts, but it didn’t work out for me.  Once I let go of the guilt and regret for how I wished things would be, I was so much happier.

You’ll appreciate the little things.

Having a baby has allowed me to really appreciate some of the little things that I always took for granted.  Now I love having the luxury to put my feet up for ten minutes and read a magazine and I watch with amazement as Grace discovers the exciting world around her.

You have an extraordinary capacity to love.

I knew I would love my child, but I didn’t realise what it would actually feel like.  There have been times when I’ve felt so much pride and love for Grace that I’ve had a physical reaction, a tingliness and lightness in my heart.  A thrill runs up my spine when I see her beautiful smile or cuddle her in my arms.  And it is the best feeling.  Ever.

So, happy birthday to my precious Grace. My bundle of joy.  We’ve come a long way baby.

Ah, mother guilt.  Try as I might to stand by my decisions as a mother, I undeniably feel the insidious hands of guilt creeping into my mind at times of indecision or reflection.  When faced with so many life altering decisions, for you and your child, is it any wonder we mothers have moments of second guessing ourselves?  Let’s examine shall we?

Pregnancy - Didn’t take those prenatal vitamins or folate for 3 months prior to conception?  Took a  winery tour before you discovered you were pregnant, or worse, enjoyed a beverage filled night out with friends the night you conceived your bundle of joy? Eek!  What about that slice of brie you just couldn’t resist, or the sweetest slice of tuna sashimi that haunted your dreams for 9 months straight. Guilt, guilt, guilt.

Birth - The birth plan went something like this:  “No drugs, speak only in hushed voices, no interventions, will birth in water, will stay home until the very last minute”.  Sure.  Turns out the birth plan had a plan of it’s own. “If it hurts this much, surely this baby is only minutes from being born? Off to the hospital we go!” Er, no.  30 hours of stalled labour later, drug free turned into drugged out and my ‘natural’ water birth became an ‘un-natural’ caesarean.  The guilt of the potential effects of this procedure on Alex, despite his startling alertness at birth, coupled with the guilt I felt in ‘giving up’ on labour, and of my body letting me down, will take years to get over.  Add to that the future guilt of not feeling able to contemplate a VBAC for the birth of  my next child, well, there’s hours of therapy just waiting to be had! Guilt, guilt, guilt.

Baby’s First Year -   Disposable vs. cloth, co-sleeping vs. cot, breast vs. bottle?  I’ll never forget the first time I put a jar of baby food in my shopping trolley. I was sure an alarm would go off and flashing arrows would descend from above, alerting everyone to my apparent inability to mash a banana for my child. I can, and do, but there are days when the only energy you can spare, is that required to open a jar.  Not using flash cards with your 3 month old? Bribing your child with the remote or car keys so you can catch an episode of “Ellen“? Guilt, guilt, guilt.

For the next 12 months, I suggest taping an ‘L’ plate to your back, taking a deep breath and just put one foot in front of the other.  Deep down, you know you’re making the right decisions for you and your baby, but it takes a good 6 months to stop questioning them. How much energy must we waste feeling guilty? The reality is that there is no such thing as the perfect mother or the perfect child.  Average isn’t a dirty word.  We’ve all had a parenting moment that was less than glowing, even the people who won’t admit it.  Our babies are only concerned that we love them.  That our eyes light up when we see them.  Take the energy away from guilt, channel it into love and do what feels right.  Me, I’ll save the guilt for that family size block of chocolate that never stood a chance!

Imageby Jo Gay

I have an abundance of naval oranges at the moment. They are so cheap at the market and they have been consistently beautiful and heavy with juice. However, Wolf has gone off oranges, in fact gone off all the fruit of the season, when fruit used to be all he ever wanted. His dad tends to snack on baked goods rather than fresh fruit and you can always rely on him to let fruit rot in the basket until it’s soft enough to start oozing through the cracks. What with the endless illnesses contracted at child care and the generally poor weather, Wolf needs some vitamin C in him if he’s going to survive the Winter. My mum being a nurse and also visiting my dad in hospital as a child, I remembered that every patient’s tray meal comes a little tub of jelly. Watery, sugary, inevitably red coloured stuff it is, but it’s a good way of getting a little sugar and water into your system when you’re not feeling your best. I certainly ate a lot of it lying in bed post-birth. However, really proper jelly is made of fresh fruit juice or pulp, gelatine, and little else. Of course jelly, like ice cream, is generally associated with summer when we need our most refreshing, but this is good for a little sick boy or girl who is turning their nose up at the fresh stuff.

Real Orange Jelly

200mls fresh orange juice (from about three naval oranges)

3 leaves of gelatine (6 grams)

100mls of cold water

1 tablespoon sugar

1. Pour orange juice into a small saucepan and gently bring to the boil. When boiling dissolve the sugar.

2. Soak gelatine leaves in water until soft. Remove from water, squeezing out any excess and add to the boiled juice.

3. Whisk gelatine into juice until completely dissolved and mixed through.

4. Pour jelly mixture into a shallow tray. Place in fridge to chill until set, about 2 hours.

This makes a nice firm jelly that is still soft to eat. I used a large rectangular container for my jelly so I could chuck a lid on it and keep it in the fridge easily after it set. It was only about 2cm deep so I was able to make it just before dinner and have it set by the time Wolf finished his bath. The jelly tastes exactly like a fresh orange, only ridiculously easy to eat. This gives 3-4 baby serves or one adult serve. For larger recipes, just follow that you need 6 grams of gelatine for every 200mls of liquid. Don’t use pineapple or kiwi fruit as they contain enzymes that cause gelatine to not set.

Winter has struck Canberra ferociously over the last week, with strong winds, relentless rain and temperatures around 10 degrees the norm. When a break in the weather was forecast, a friend and I decided to escape the confines of our lounge rooms which threatened to send us stir crazy. A new restaurant had opened in the café district and we were keen to go and sample their menu, sip a good coffee and update each other on all things Mummy. Babes rugged up and snug in their prams, we made our way to the double doors and were quickly intercepted by a waiter. “Two prams. Are you kidding me?” was his greeting to us. It was made very clear that we were not welcome. “Perhaps you’d like to sit outside?”. Oh sure, nothing like eating a meal and fighting frost bite simultaneously! I was humiliated into silence and an almost polite acceptance of his attitude. It was only as we walked away that my anger started to brew. I was stunned into silence when I should have been speaking out.

This was my first experience with being discriminated against because I have a child. It would seem that mama’s are to be relegated to food courts and kiddie playgrounds. Destined to a life of sipping bad cappuccinos out of mugs, in cavernous rooms decorated with fairy castles or pirate ships. My self esteem took a hit as I realised I was now looked at by wait staff as a dreaded “mummy’, not as a paying customer.

I respect that a business has a right to target a certain demographic. That’s fine. But I was that demographic! Am I suddenly an undesirable patron because I have a child? I respect that space can be limited and children not specially catered for, but while my child is a baby and in need of nothing other than my breast for food and is strapped safely in his pram, is it not fair that I should be able to order from a menu that doesn’t contain chicken nuggets? If Alex was restless and disturbing other patrons I would pay my bill and leave. If I was willing to be a respectful customer, should the same respect not be reciprocated by the café? Yes, prams take up space. So do handbags, designer label shopping bags, briefcases and laptops. Sure, kids make noise. So do people on ‘important’ calls on their mobile phones. This wasn’t a silver service restaurant, it was just a trumped up coffee shop!

So café owners, take note. We might now wear jeans instead of jewellery, sneakers instead of suits and carry Huggies instead of Hermes, but we are hungry and desperate for caffeine. We need to feel a little more like our old selves every now and then. When the walls of home start to close in, we need a place to go to regroup, to recharge. In no time at all our babies will be up and running and we’ll leave you alone, so if I can make the effort to put on mascara, the least you can do is accommodate my child, pram and all.