·         Confused about baby sleep advice?

·         Concerned about the impact of baby sleep training regimes such as controlled crying?

·         Looking for gentle baby sleep and settling techniques that WORK?

Best selling baby sleep author, Pinky McKay presents a ‘not to be missed’ seminar for both parents and health professionals!

Sleep, Love and Your Baby’s Brain
New evidence shows that some approaches to ‘teaching babies to sleep’ may cause long term, adverse changes to a baby’s developing brain.

Pinky McKay (author, Sleeping Like a Baby, 100 Ways to Calm the Crying, Internationally Certified Lactation Consultant and infant massage instructor), examines this evidence and offers gentle options to encourage infant sleep and settling that also promote optimum brain and emotional development, along with a secure parent-infant bond. Babies welcome!

Pinky is holding seminars in Melbourne in the months of February and March,2010

Interested? Read More.

We’re all aware that keeping babies cool and hydrated is so important on hot days, but there seems to be mixed opinions on whether to give baby water. We checked in with the ABA’s Breastfeeding Helpline for some important advice on the topic.

Studies carried out in hot climates, like India, have shown that babies allowed to breastfeed whenever they want, do not become dehydrated. Breastmilk is itself mostly water and in hot weather, babies tend to go to the breast more often, for short feeds. This way they get extra foremilk, which is thinner and more refreshing than the fat rich hind-milk. So let your baby have as many extra feeds as she wishes and she will get plenty of water.

In case your baby gets irritated and hot while nursing you may want to place a cool towel or baby sheet on your arm and lap. You may also want to try lying down on your side and feeding your baby.

Do remember that air conditioners can also dehydrate the body and your baby may need frequent feeds even though she may be cool. It is important that you drink adequate water through the day, especially before you sit down to nurse your baby. And it is wise to offer bottle fed babies some boiled cooled water in hot weather.  BPa-free sippy cups such as the Thermos Sippy cup are perfect for babies 6 months plus.  I find my 9 month old baby is very easily amused with her cup and treats it as quite a game (as you can see!), making it a fun way to stay hydrated.  As she has started solids, we mix extra breastfeeds with sips of water throughout the day.

The one thing noone ever showed me before my first baby was how to swaddle (or wrap) a baby. In fact I had no idea what the word “swaddle” meant before I was pregnant. Babies generally feel the most secure when swaddled for the first 4 months of life. Swaddling reminds them of their in-womb existance and also prevents them from feeling starttled by their natural reflex, as it keeps their arms close by thei side.

The Merino Kids Cocooi Swaddle wrap is an ideal all year round swaddle as the merino is such a natural, breathable fibre. I used this exact product for my baby for the first couple of months, and noticed a visible difference in my baby’s mood as I put her in it. Just watch the baby in this footage as she is wrapped.

Check out the Merino Kids Cocooi Baby wraps here

When my eldest child was 2, my poor husband was very much accustomed to the daily phone call from me at around 3pm – “how much longer until you’re home? I’ve had a gutful of this endless drudgery! Cant you just  leave work NOW?”. Soon after this we swapped roles – I went into work and he stayed home (“Mr Mum” style). It was only a few months before I was receiving that same phone call from him.

We knew there had to be a better way – and that way was shared parenting. We’ve been sharing the role for 3 years now and have never looked back – our kids have happier, more balanced parents and neither of us dread our Monday mornings.

This parenting style has an official name (and of course an official acronym). It’s called “Equally Shared Parenting,” or ESP for short.  The philosophy behind ESP is that neither spouse acts as understudy or manager to the other, that both are equally competent and responsible in all areas of family life. “ESP couples feel that their lives are happiest if they can both spend about the same amount of time on average in paid work endeavours, in caring for their home, in taking care of their children, and in their own outside interests” says Amy Vachon, author of soon to be released Equally Shared Parenting: Rewriting the Rules for a New Generation of Parents

 Sounds good? Some of our friends have joined the ESP club too. Here’s Amy’s suggestions for making such a life work:

It’s not about the laundry. Too often, Amy says, people hear about the concept and immediately think it’s about getting a lazy dad to do more. “It’s not what we are saying at all. I presume (fathers) are working as much as their wives are, and there’s a need to reshuffle things and work as much as you’re working now, but get balance and equality back in your life. It’s so you can live in a place where you like your life, instead of trying to get through life.”

For true equality, both of you work outside the home, in paid jobs. While Amy  stresses that the ESP model isn’t a the right answer for every family, it requires that the breadwinning burden is shared as much as all the other aspects of running a family. And there are benefits to that as well. For example, both partners working  part-time schedules to allow them more time for everything; having just one of them be the breadwinner wouldn’t allow such flexibility. “

Look at the recession as an opportunity. While the conventional wisdom says “show up early, stay late, take on extra work” to prove your value to an employer, asking for more flexibility might actually be a good idea in these times, Amy says. Companies might not be able to offer raises, but they might jump at the chance to keep a valued employee at a reduced schedule — and corresponding salary cut. “If our companies are faced with a decision between layoffs and reducing employees hours, we might be able to jump at the chance to try out a new work schedule that could lead to an epiphany about the value of money versus time,” Amy says.

Rethink what work means to you. Is it part of a balanced life, or is it at the center of your life? Some successful ESP-ers have actually stepped back from the career treadmill  before having kids and working a reduced schedule,  in order to have time to pursue other interests and actually enjoy both their job and their life, a pattern that fits well once children come along. This means one would have to be okay with the reality that they may never get their corner office or company car spot.

Embrace your own competence as a person, partner and parent. That goes for both partners, and it’s key to the whole idea of equally shared parenting. If you trust your partner to handle things at home as well as you would, that means you can wander off for a bike ride or yoga class without feeling guilty, especially since your partner will be getting the same freedom and accommodation of their interests as well. “Neither of us has to do any preparation in order to leave the house or the kids in the capable hands of our spouse, and therefore we are then able to concentrate on simply finding the time to get out,” Amy says.

Communicate with each other and adjust if things are getting out of balance. The first six months of babydom involves so much sleep deprivation and potential anxiety, and is often a set-up in our culture for women to take on the lion’s share of the caregiving, so you have to be pretty cognisant of staying the course. Equally shared parenting does not, alas, lead to a partnership and life blissfully free of conflict. ESP-ers ave to deal with all the same stuff most couples have to deal with. Many find that their communication framework forces them to talk about things instead of letting it simmer.

Perhaps most importantly, remember that you’re on the same team — Something the traditional model of parenting, with its separate spheres for each spouse, does not emphasise. Part of what inspired Amy and her partner to come up with this model of parenting was the negative image of parenting in much of the literature. “Those mummy-misery books scared me, and at the same time made me angry because they never seemed to mention men,” Amy says. “I realised that Marc’s role was entirely invisible in these angry depictions of the state of… motherhood, and I held onto the ideal of an equal partnership for dear life all through my first pregnancy.”

At heart, Amy says, it’s that neither parent gets an exclusive hold on the “good stuff” — whether that be career satisfaction, time with the kids, or time to themselves. “ESP is not about scorekeeping or making sure the time comes out exactly even; rather, the couple is sustained by the idea that a happy partner makes for a happy relationship, which makes for a great life — and they want to make sure their partner gets his/her fair share of the fun.”

Check out Amy’s website Equally Shared Parenting here

Had a lovely visit from beautiful Donna today (thats her above having a cuddle with my 4 month old bubba). Donna is known as ”Wise Mumma” to many of her clients - women who may once have felt un-prepared and anxious about the birth of their baby… until they experienced Donna and her childbirth preparation.

Hospital pre natal classes generally have a strong focus on the physical preparation for birth, and many mums put off much of their parenting preparation thinking all will be covered in these classes. I know from experience with the birth of my first child,  that the hospital pre-natal classes had me feeling prepared on one level, however it was a different story once the reality of the birth process un-folded and I was left feeling some what powerless and vulnerable with the process.

Donna’s childbirth preparation classes not only fill the information gap left by many hopital pre-natal   classes, but most importantly fill couples with confidence and inspiration about the choices that they have made for their birthing journey. Donna works very much on a “heart-level” in her work, encouraging participants in her class to trust their intuition and go forth in choosing care providers who meet their needs, and encouraging new parents to be well prepared for the journey ahead.

Donna’s Spring/Summer one day workshops are commencing soon. For busy couples who cant commit to a full day, Donna is also available for one-on-one education about birthing and early parenting in the comfort of your own home. Donna’s current worskhop schedule and contact details can be found at www.nurturebirthsupport.com.au

Do you remember going to the park and climbing on the jungle gym? Or climbing trees in the backyard? Although most toddlers start their climbing careers with a jaunt up onto the dining room table, possibly even before they can walk (and try not to shriek out loud in shock the first time that it happens!), there seems to be less and less time and freedom for most children to climb safely outdoors.

This is a pity because all that tree climbing, along with swinging and hanging from monkey bars and trees, helps children develop upper body, arm and shoulder strength that precede the fine motor skills required for writing, painting and sorting blocks into shape sorters. Climbing also helps develop hand-eye and eye-foot coordination, body control, muscle tone and cross patterning (opposite arm and leg movement), as well as spatial awareness and concepts such as up, down, low and high.

As your toddler begins to climb- up and down stairs, up into chairs and sofas or even onto tables (for safety’s sake, you may have to remove the chairs when you can’t supervise), teach him to turn around and climb down backwards feet first- use a single word such as ’safe safe’ as you turn his body around. With lots of consistent repetition, he will eventually be able toclimb safely- up and down!

Although you may feel your heart in your mouth and a sense of panic as your little one climbs, it is really important not to transmit your own fears, so mind your language and resist the urge to tell him ‘be careful, you will fall!’, This could distract him and may even cause him to fall or he could lose confidence. If he is free to concentrate with you nearby to break his fall if necessary, he will attempt just what he is reasonable capable of and he will develop so much confidence you will soon be wondering if he has monkey glands.

As well as (or in preparation for) climbing, you can help develop upper body coordination by playing ‘wheel barrows’ with your toddler supporting your child’s body horizontally as she ’stands’ or ‘walks’ on her hands - and letting her hang and swing from bars (or safe, smooth branches). Even a one year old can swing from a horizontal bar (preferably safer alternatives than the door or towel rails!) or a trapeze with support (hold him around his hips), but do teach your child to grip with his thumbs underneath this bar as this is a stronger, safer grip.  Incidentally, it is also the correct grip to hold a pencil later on.

About the author - Pinky McKay is an Internationally Certified Lactation Consultant, a Certified Infant Massage Instructor with Infant Massage Australia and respected parenting author.  Check out Toddler Tactics by Pinky McKay  and Pinky’s Melbourne Toddler Tactic Seminars here.  For more information about Pinky please visit www.pinkymckay.com.au.

By Pinky

Just like us, babies are individuals –and this goes for sleep requirements too. It may help (or not, if you are suffering from sleep deprivation) to realise that in most infant sleep studies, ‘all night’ is defined as five hours. If you are thinking that even five hours uninterrupted sleep would be a dream come true, there are some gentle strategies you can try to help your baby, and you, to sleep better.

1. Know the signs – None of us like being kept awake when we are craving sleep, so rather than waiting until your baby is ‘past it’, put her to bed as soon as she shows sleepy signs such as becoming quiet, yawning, making “jerky” movements, losing interest in people and toys, and fussing. If you miss this window of opportunity, your baby is likely to become grumpy and find it difficult to settle.

2. Introduce bedtime rituals – bedtime routines can become cues that help even tiny babies wind down and become conditioned to fall asleep. From the earliest days, give her a warm relaxation bath just before bedtime ( Tip- wrap and cuddle baby dry in a warm towel so she isn’t upset by her startle reflex).

3. A magic touch – Silent nights could be at your fingertips: Research from Miami University showed that infants and toddlers who were massaged daily for one month, for 15 minutes prior to bedtime, fell asleep more easily by the end of the study. To learn about infant massage, see Pinky’s infant massage pages and check out her infant massage DVD – Gentle Beginnings.

4. Soothing sounds – The calming, repetitive sounds of traditional lullabies recall the ‘womb music’ your baby heard before birth (your heartbeat, and fluids whooshing through the placenta). Baby music that incorporates elements such as the rhythm of the maternal heartbeat or ‘white noise’ has remarkable soothing effects, especially if played continuously through the night. The Music for Dreaming CD is a particularly popular choice for new mums.

5. Rock a bye baby – The motion of a rocking chair or being carried in a sling as you walk will lull baby to sleep. So will a special-purpose baby hammock – and as baby moves and arouses during the night, her movements will start the hammock rocking. 

6. All snuggled up – The startle reflex, a primitive survival reflex that produces spontaneous, jerky movements, even in sleep, can be disturbing (literally). Provide a sense of security by swaddling your newborn – wrapping him firmly. Gradually wrap more loosely and discard the wrap as this reflex disappears (by around three months). The Merino Kids CocooI Wrap is a popular newborn swaddler.

7. Cut caffeine – If you are breastfeeding, caffeine can create a vicious circle: You drink coffee (or tea or cola) to give you a hit, baby gets a boost of stimulant through your milk- and becomes restless. Newborns are particularly vulnerable to caffeine: A newborn may take up to ninety seven hours to get rid of caffeine so the effects will be accumulative.

8. Daytime feeds – Tiny tummies need frequent refills, but soon your baby will start sleeping at least one longer stretch between feeds. If baby sleeps more than four hours between feeds during the day, it is reasonable to GENTLY unwrap him and offer a feed, then he might save his longer sleep for night -time. However, be patient if he is not ready to alter his pattern.

9. Try a top up feed – Whatever time your baby was last fed, gently offer a feed just before you go to bed yourself (don’t wake him, he will suck in his sleep) and, with luck, his longer sleep may coincide with yours.

10,Teach her day from night – Teach baby the difference between night and day by keeping the lights low and attending to him quietly during night feeds. Save play and chatter for daytime.

11. Do not disturb – Avoid waking baby during night feed times by changing the nappy either before or half way through a feed, not when baby is all ‘groggy’ and full. If baby is falling asleep during feeds, so only having a short feed, try changing the nappy half way through, then offering the other breast.

12. Let him suck up to the boss – Falling asleep on the breast is one of the easiest ways for most babies to settle. This is due to hormones released while your baby feeds but if you are concerned about it becoming a habit, alternate feeding with other sleep cues and take heart: he may still like to snuggle up to a breast when he’s twenty one - but it won’t be yours!
For breastfeeding advice or support contact the Australian Breastfeeding Association www.breastfeeding.asn.au

13. Share sleep – Research shows that mothers and babies who sleep together (within reach of each other, not necessarily in the same bed) share the same sleep cycles, so these mothers get more sleep overall. Remember SIDS risk reduction guidelines – maintain a smoke-free environment (don’t bed share if you are a smoker); put baby to sleep on his back; avoid overheating (use blankets rather than doonas); keep baby’s head uncovered and use a firm mattress (no waterbeds). Both parents should avoid alcohol and medications that reduce awareness of baby.  A co-sleeper basinette works for many mums wanting to sleep with their baby.

14. A little bit of mummy – it’s not exactly a substitute for you, but if you slip your own soft, unwashed tee-shirt over baby’s mattress, she will be comforted by your familiar smell as she sleeps.

15. Stop the Clock – Simply knowing how long you are awake can be enough to make you too tense to get back to sleep, or it may encourage you to rush your baby and make him feel anxious. If you see your baby’s waking as a genuine need, it could help you to enjoy this precious cuddle time: feel the softness of his skin, breathe in his delicious smell and snuggle!

If your baby is still awake — for more tips to help your baby (and you!) sleep, read Pinky’s best-selling book Sleeping Like a Baby.

To subscribe to Pinky’s free newsletter, or find out about seminars and classes, visit Pinky’s website www.pinkymckay.com.au

by Pinky 

It’s five o’clock - arsenic hour! Your child is fractious and you want him in the bath because you know this will help him (and you!) feel calmer. How do you get your toddler into the bath without a fuss?

-Low blood sugar can make any parental request seem unreasonable. If you need to interupt a game, take children a snack and then announce, “I’m running your bath.” Then they’ll have a few minutes to get used to the idea and move on.

- Are there fairies in your bathroom? If there’s fairy dust around your bathtub, your little ones might believe there are. Sprinkle some glitter around the rim of the tub, when you fill the bath, then call the children in to look for the fairies.

- How about a magic color bath? Add a few drops of food coloring to the water. Of course, if you want to bath two children together, you can be certain they’ll want different colors. No problems. Let them watch Jack’s red water mix with Mia’s yellow water and see what happens.

- Bath toys don’t need to be commercially available ‘educational’ products. Empty plastic bottles, sponges and blocks to flat can be just as entertaining -and educational.

 For more tips to engage and play with your baby (so she doesn’t grizzle from boredom), see 100 Ways to Calm the Crying  and Toddler Tactics by Pinky McKay . www.pinkymckay.com.au

by Pinky

Debra’s baby is three months old and it’s been a rewarding but tough trot. Busy days, broken sleep, a few hiccups with breastfeeding, babies had a cold. She’s run down. She plops down onto the sofa next to her husband after finally getting bub asleep and a really long day (he’s been on a work trip - again!) and he can’t take his eyes off a curvaceous blonde on the screen. Feeling like a handful of very small change compared to the on-screen babe who looks like a million bucks, she loses it.

Of course, Debra is exhausted and overwhelmed by the relentlessness of caring for a baby and a mountain of domestic responsibilities as well as an absent husband. Her partner sounds like many men who are exhausted themselves after working long hours. He may even have the notion that she has the easy job, a whole day to herself, sipping lattes with her mothers group.

While it doesnt help to have your man ogling a babe on the television when you cant even recognise the body you see in the mirror, it is a sad reflection on the pressures women with new babies face when you feel that you need to live up to some ideal of a yummy mummy as well as perfect mother and domestic goddess.

According to relationship counsellor Lisa Fettling (www.lisafettling.com.au), Debra’s reactions and concerns speak volumes about her own self image and the state of her relationship. Lisa, who specialises in helping new parents says, “a new mother has her eye on every ball at once, and she can’t take care of the baby unless she is cared for herself. She needs to be able to sit with her partner and talk about how she feels and to ask for the support that she needs for him - and to be understood. After caring for a baby all day, many new mothers want to ask for a cuddle, but they are afraid that this will be a green light for something more, so instead she either withdraws or gets angry and a wall goes up between the couple. Nothing is going to happen unless she is feeling emotionally supported by her partner.”

If you are feeling less than a wee bit ‘hot’ right now, let go of the pressure. Perhaps comments in a recent interview with Angelina Jolie might help. Angelina said “I’m with a man who is evolved enough to look at my body and see it as more beautiful because of the journey it has taken.” And, if your man seems less evolved then you would like, consider- do you think he is comparing himself to Brad Pitt and wondering even the tiniest bit how he might measure up in your eyes?

Pinky McKay is an International Board Certified Lactation Consultant, Infant Massage instructor and mother of five. Her books include ‘Sleeping Like a Baby’, ‘100 Ways to Calm the Crying’ and ‘Toddler Tactics’ (Penguin), For Pinky’s private consultations or classes  for parents, visit www.pinkymckay.com.au

Having a baby has to be one of the most wonderful experience in one’s life. It’s what life is about, after all and choosing a baby name is one of the great pleasures new or expectant parents get to experience.

With celebrity being the new royalty, celebrity baby names are increasingly finding their way into ‘normal’ society. The NSW Government’s  100 years of baby names  have taken the inspiration of US site name voyager in allowing you to plot the history of name popularity over the last 100 years in NSW. Using the tool, try entering the baby name of your choice and see graphically the number of boys and girls who were given that name. Try a few celebrity baby names and you’ll see how they match the fame of the celebrity – for example ‘Kylie’.  

My partner and I are about to become parents (again) in just three days time, and still don’t have a baby name confirmed.  It seemed pretty straight forward last time around, as we thought we’d picked something very original. My son is now affectionately  known as “Liam B” at school due to many parents having the same thought as us back in 2003. There are bigger hurdles Liam B will have to face in his life, but we’d probably prefer the next child have something a little more original!

One great  baby name site (American) is at parenting.com. Their  baby namer not only allows you to search by name, but also by all sorts of fantastic categories including  ‘pop culture’, ‘the classics’ and ‘imaginative’. Once you’ve narrowed your selection down to an individual name, parenting.com gives you the meaning and origin of the name as well as the popularity rank over time.  The site uses data collected in the US, but Australian name trends tend to follow those of the US.

Of course, it is useful to draw up a short-list of your favourites. The parenting.com baby namer helps you do this by allowing you to maintain an online favourites list that you can keep up-to-date until the big day arrives.

But sometimes when the little one arrives, the name at the top of your list somehow doesn’t seem right. This happened with our first child – she just didn’t look like her name. But inspiration kicked in and we plucked a name out of the air that we’d never even considered – and it fits perfectly.

Whenever you’re choosing a name for your baby don’t be too daunted. Use the online tools that I’ve mentioned to help you out. And remember – despite the importance of the task rest assured of one thing – you’re the best people in the world for the job!